Jack & Ianto - The Full Story
by Cottonbud
Summary: This is my version of Janto through all 4 seasons of the series. It has a slight AU slant from COE onwards. Rated M for sex and language but it's not gratuitous
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

"This must have been eating away at you." Ianto is saying "Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped."

"No, you couldn't." Jack denies angrily. Ianto feels like Jack has physically hit him.

"I tell you everything." He says sadly, although that wasn't true at the start of their relationship it was now, Ianto was an open book he had no more secrets, well just the one.

There is a pause while Jack processes the truth of this statement. "Ianto, tell me, what should I have done?" Jack finally asks and Ianto can hear a little of the desperation breaking through.

"Stood up to them. The Jack I know would've stood up to them." Ianto affirms confidently. Then wonders again about Jack's past, what is it in Jack's past could have made him do this "I've only just scraped the surface, haven't I?" he asks more quietly.

"Ianto, that's all there is."

"No. You pretend that's all there is." Ianto looks at Jack from the corner of his eyes.

"I have lived a long time—I have done a lot of things." Ianto can see Jack is going to make a run for it, like he always does when things get too hard emotionally. "I've got to go, I won't be long." Jack says.

"You're doing it again. Speak to me, Jack. Where are you going?" Ianto is aware that his frustration is clear in his voice, his frustration that Jack still doesn't trust him to understand.

"To call Frobisher. I can't call him from here, cause they'd be able to trace it. Is that okay?" Jack is angry now because Ianto isn't letting it drop as he usually does. Ianto feels his heart sink this isn't going to work, instead he bites out angrily "You're the boss."

Jack is stopped by his tone he turns and looks at Ianto, the anger is still there but there is something else, is that acknowledgement, understanding maybe? "And just so you know, I have a daughter called Alice and a grandson called Steven, and Frobisher took them hostage yesterday." Jack snaps out and leaves. Ianto nods warmed that, despite the tone, Jack has just shared a secret with him and Ianto recognizes it for what it is, a start. When Jack gets back Ianto is determined he is going to find the courage to tell Jack his own last secret, that he loves him and accepts him warts and all, and that he wants to spend the rest of his life, however long that may be, with him.

Who would have thought three years ago he would be ready to commit himself to this arrogant, egotistical, frustrating, vain _man_, a man for God's sake…and just to top it off, an immortal who wouldn't age or die. It sounded like a nightmare scenario, but Ianto knew that the worse scenario would be living without him. How had it happened? How had he transformed from the introverted junior researcher at Torchwood London who fell in love with a young field operative called Lisa, into the alien hunting, gun toting, right hand man (and lover) of the most charismatic, daring, charming and bloody sexiest man in Wales, if not Earth.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ianto's story: Part 1**

Ianto had learnt at an early age that too much pain was caused by people unable to control their emotions. His had not had the easiest childhood, his mother had suffered Post Natal Depression following his birth, not that he knew that back then, but it had been the catalyst which had seen his Mother fighting mental illness through much of his childhood, before finally committing suicide when he was just 12. His Father blamed him for his Mother's death and when his Father drank heavily, which became more regular after his Mother's death, would sometimes become violent. His sister, Rhiannon was five years older than him and the age difference meant that they had not been particularly close, especially as she had left home after their mother died. It also meant that she wasn't there to see the man their Father became.

At 17 Ianto had been caught shop-lifting, nothing serious is was practically a rite of passage on the estate on which he grew up, but his Father had been drinking heavily the day the Police dropped him off at home after the caution. As soon as the police had gone his Father had backhanded him across the face and started yelling and shouting the usual accusations, that Ianto was a waste of space, a nancy-boy because he liked things neat and tidy and didn't fight back and the worst one, the cause of his Mother's death. As he lay on the floor, tasting blood from a split on his lip, he had just had enough. It was like everything went still for a second and then this overpowering rage took hold of him. His Father had, had to go to hospital just for an overnight stay and he'd threatened to report Ianto for assault but Ianto knew that was bluster, his Father had done worse to him in the past. However Ianto had known two things, it was time to leave home and he would never, ever let hmself loose control again. He'd lived with his Sister and her new husband for a year whilst he finished his A-Levels and that was when he'd managed to rebuild something of a relationship with at least one member of his family but he never spoke to his Father again, hadn't even gone to his funeral the following year when the drink finally got him.

Instead Ianto had gone to London to study a double honours in English Literature and History. University had been a bit easier than school to fit in and he had socialised a little on the margins but he still hadn't liked to let people in too close. So although he had, had a few sexual experiences by the time he'd left, he had still never had a proper 'relationship'.

His job at Torchwood had come from a chance meeting when he was doing some odd shifts as a barista in a coffee house in Canary Wharf. He'd graduated two years previously and still didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. He had a particular customer who seemed fascinated by his ability to remember facts and figures. It was a trick he'd taught himself at an early age. He liked order, discipline and facts; they kept the uncertainty, fear and loneliness away and the man had offered Ianto a job as a Junior Researcher at Torchwood and that was how he'd met Lisa Hallett.

Ianto had been attracted to Lisa immediately, but that wasn't hard she was gorgeous but he had no idea how to actually interact with another human being and he always gave the appearance of being distant and uninterested, that usually scared people away. Lisa however kept coming back, she kept tapping away and slowly Ianto had realised she had somehow cracked his shell. "You are delicious, so many layers to unwrap" she had sighed to him after their first date. That was how she'd won him over and turned his life around. She loved his foibles, even teased him about his obsession with keeping everything clean and tidy. She'd taught him how to love and be loved for the very first time and had started to bring him out into the real world, bring out the real Ianto, and he'd love her forever for that. So when it was his turn to look behind the façade to see the real Lisa, he'd known he had to believe she was still in there behind all the cybernetics and he was going to save her just as she had saved him.

So he'd decided on an all out charm offensive against the Cardiff Team Leader, the infamous Captain Jack Harkness. However by the time he was rolling around on the floor of a warehouse with the man, avoiding the drugged Pterodactyl, he hadn't been sure who had charmed who. The scent, that coat, that hard body under his own. It was not as if it was the first time he'd been attracted to a man, he'd experimented with his sexuality in University, but he was supposed to be totally focused on Lisa right then, there was no room for anyone else.

Jack had got under his skin almost immediately although he'd tried to fight it. On his first day Jack had asked what else he could do, other than look good in a suit and Ianto not wanting to be intimidated had replied**, **"That would be harassment, sir" raising one eyebrow in admonishment. Jack had thrown his head back and let out a loud laugh, everything about this man was loud, then he'd looked Ianto in the eye and replied. "I think there is much more to you than first meets the eye and I am going to enjoy stripping the layers off you, Ianto Jones". Ianto had felt his face heat up at that, apart from the innuendo that had been much too close to what Lisa had said to him too.

For the first few months it had stopped as gentle flirting and Ianto had also noticed that it was Jack's standard method of communication within in the office and not specific to him. It had allowed him to relax and even start to enjoy the gentle banter with someone who seemed to appreciate his dark humour. However an incident three month into his new job had him reconsidering how innocent the flirting actually was. Everyone had gone for the day, and Ianto had thought Jack was still out on the weevil sighting, so he'd not been expecting to find Jack changing his shirt in his office when he'd slid into to collect the dirty mugs that accumulated through the day. The unexpected sight of Jack changing his clothes and currently naked from the waist up had stopped him in his tracks and he had felt the embarrassment and something else, something he hadn't wanted to acknowledge rising up inside him.

"Ianto, still here, still tidying up after everyone. What would we do without you?" Jack had said a lascivious smile playing on his face. "Have you come to help me dress now like my real-life butler. I don't _need_ the help but I certainly won't turn down the offer to have your hands on my torso" Ianto had felt a rush of conflicted emotions rushing through him like a like a flood that had burst its dam. The image of his hands on Jack's naked torso burnt onto his brain. Jack had apparently noticed that Ianto wasn't handling the situation with his usual calm and stepped forward grabbing Ianto by his arms. "Ianto…Ianto…" Jack's voice had broken through the rushing sound in his head. "I'm sorry, still on a high after that damned Weevil took a swipe at me and I might have been a little over enthusiastic."

Ianto had actually felt a roaring sound in his head as all those carefully erected barriers he had built up over the years had crumbled about his ears and without even thinking he had pressed his hands up against that strong chest and looked up into that handsome face. So when Jack's lips had come down and pressed on his own he hadn't struggled or tried to pull away. He was not sure how long the embrace had gone on for but he knew he had been as active a participant as Jack. It had only been when he had felt the light hesitant touch of Jack's hand as it pressed against the hard bulge in his own trousers that the panic had started to set in and his stomach had turned over at the thought of the betrayal and he had pushed Jack away quite violently. Jack had staggered back and Ianto had seen that his eyes were dark and hooded with passion and had suspected his own looked similar before he ran.

The next day there had been a bar of dark chocolate on his desk and an instant message from Jack that read

"_Clumsy of me – in your own time…. ?"_

Ianto had been confused. He knew he loved Lisa and wanted her back, so he couldn't understand the strength of his physical reaction to Jack and all he could do was decide to ignore it, it helped that just a week later PC Gwen Cooper had joined the team and the attraction between her and Jack had been obvious from the start. Jack's attention to Ianto reduced accordingly and Ianto had determined to focus on getting Lisa better and ignore the gnawing in his stomach everytime he saw Jack and Gwen together.

Lisa didn't get better and three months later she was dead, his colleagues had been forced to kill her after she had taken the life of Dr Tanizaki and an innocent pizza delivery girl. Ianto's heart had broken not just by Lisa's death, but by Jack's cruel demand that he kill Lisa himself. Then he'd thought Jack a monster and told him so.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ianto's story: Part 2**

Ianto hadn't coped well. Following the Battle of Canary Wharf , all that death, destruction, the smell of blood, had left him terrified and feeling out of control. The only thing that had kept him going, kept him focused had been the thought of helping Lisa, now that had been ripped from him he'd felt himself just shutting down. He'd hardly been aware of Jack's presence in his flat at first. Although he had been able to see Jack pacing up and down in his room and hear Jack asking him when the last time he ate or washed was, it was almost as if he was watching it in a film. Jack had dragged him out of bed and forced him to shower and eat and then Jack had confronted him.

"We didn't kill Lisa" Jack had hissed at him from between his teeth. "The Cybermen did that. We stopped them getting a foothold back in the world and causing even more senseless deaths" Jack had walked around the table and crouched in front of Ianto placing his hands on Ianto's shoulders. "Ianto, you have every right to grieve for Lisa, but Lisa died back in London, you have to accept that, that creature wasn't your Lisa" Jack's hands had tightened their grip on his shoulders to emphasize his point and Ianto had got the feeling Jack wanted to shake sense into him. That was when he'd felt his control slipping. '_What right did Jack have to talk about Lisa, he knew nothing about Lisa and him. Just because he'd let Jack kiss him once didn't mean Jack had any rights. Jack didn't know everything. Jack wasn't perfect…'_ .Ianto had felt all the emotions he'd been keeping suppressed deep inside rising like lava in a volcano. He had known that feeling and he hadn't wanted to let it out. He'd shaken Jack off standing up he had stridden out of the kitchen towards the front door.."YOU NEED TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE…GET OUT NOW" he had yelled, his control already starting to slip. He had opened the door to indicate he wanted Jack gone, but Jack hadn't moved from the kitchen he just watched him down the corridor with those knowing eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere Ianto until I know you'll be ok. Get angry, shout at me, let off some steam, lose control, I don't care"

Ianto had felt his fists clench by his side and laughed but it was a forced, painful sound "You..have..to…go" he had stressed carefully trying to make the infuriating man understand. "You wouldn't like to see me _really_ angry". Jack had actually laughed at that. He had stridden up the corridor towards Ianto, pushed the door Ianto was holding closed again. His hands were on the door either side of Ianto's head. "What are you, the incredible hulk" Jack had mocked softly.

Although a cliché it really had been like a red mist descending before his eyes, clouding his brain. His head had come back and then his forehead had connected with Jack's nose with a satisfying crunch and explosion of blood. Ianto could not after the event detail blow by blow what happened next, but all his anger and resentment spilled out in a vicious, physical storm like it had once before, like he had sworn never to allow it too again. A part of him, still sane, recognised that the man he was fighting was not really fighting back, but the stronger part of himself was telling him that this was the person responsible for all of his pain. If he could get rid of him, he'd be able to get rid of the pain….

When it was over and the tide had receded Ianto had been shocked by the damage he had done. Jack was breathing but appeared to be unconscious and the guilt had ripped through Ianto's chest. He'd sat down and cradled the older man's head on his lap. Perhaps he should have called someone, Owen maybe, but he didn't think that would be necessary and even as was thinking about it he watched Jack's nose straighten itself back up. Despite himself and his guilt Ianto had been fascinated by the process of regeneration, cuts just closed up broken bones reset themselves, bruises vanished almost before they were formed. When Jack's eyes had finally fluttered open there had been no sign other than dried blood on his face and clothes that he had just been beaten. Jack had pushed himself up into a seated position next to Ianto groaning lightly and asked ". "How bad was I?"

Ianto had hesitated for a second before answering honestly "Bad enough that you might have struggled to pick up those pretty girls…or boys you like so much"

"Ah!" responded Jack "But I'm not just a pretty _face_ you know" He had paused then looking at Ianto carefully he said "You don't seem surprised…."

Ianto had shrugged as nonchalantly as he had been able to. "I already suspected something…that very first time we met with the weevil that bit your neck…not a sign the next day, not even a scar. That time the weevil ripped the shirt of your back but apparently didn't break your skin" Ianto had felt the heat rise up his face as he remembered that kiss and hoped Jack hadn't noticed. "Plus…you've lived a long time haven't you Jack.?"

"What do you mean?" asked Jack evasively.

Ianto had felt slightly insulted by that "I'm in charge of the archives, remember? Unlike the other team members I actually read the records. Captain Jack Harkness has been a member of Torchwood for over 100 years."

Jack had looked at Ianto with admiration "You really are a remarkable man. Tosh and Owen have been working with me over 4 years and have never noticed. You however notice everything"

"But Gwen knew…." Ianto could have kicked himself then for letting his jealousy show. It wasn't appropriate.

"Gwen saw Suzie shoot me through the forehead so….."

"so…. it wasn't the keeness of her deductive powers or your choice to share your secret with her" Ianto had hoped Jack hadn't caught the quiet satisfaction in his voice. They had sat side by side silently for a while and then Ianto had felt compelled, despite the pain in his soul, to ask.

"Is it a 51st century thing like the pheromones?" Jack had looked at Ianto quizzically then as if deciding whether Ianto had really believed the 51st century thing, Ianto had kept his face carefully still.

"No" Jack had admitted "I'm not sure what caused it. One minute I was dead and the next…..I wasn't"

"How long?" Ianto had asked

"150 years give or take" had come the answer.

"You must have seen a lot of people die…." Ianto hadn't been quite sure where he was going with that question at the time.

"Yes Ianto – I've lost a lot of people in my life….and it never gets any easier. I tried to stop caring. I thought if I could control my emotions I could stop the hurt'. Ianto had been unable to stop a short inhale of breath at that statement so close to his own thoughts. "For a while I think I managed it…..and look what happened….Tosh so caught up in her technology she forgets to see the people around her, Owen so cynical he won't open up or trust anyone and Suzie so fucked up" Jack had shaken his head in despair and Ianto had felt the smallest sliver of sympathy but he had pushed it down. "They took their lead from me…I didn't care…so they didn't care. I killed Suzie…and I have to live with that but I swore I'd not cut myself off again no matter how hard"

There had been a silence between them as Jack's words had hung in the air. Then softly Ianto had asked "Is that why you brought in Gwen? To care, to show you and the rest of us how to care?"

Jack looked him then with something like surprise in his eyes. "Yes …and no. You really don't miss anything do you?" Jack had shaken his head as though he couldn't quite believe it and Ianto had felt the tiniest sliver of pride until he pushed the emotion down again. "I brought Gwen in, not to show the team _how_ to care but how to _show_ they care. Gwen is like an open book emotionally, everything she feels is right there for everyone to see. I think we could all learn a bit of that from her". Ianto had hidden his eyes then not wanting anything to escape. Jack however had grabbed Ianto's chin and lifted his face so Ianto was forced to look into Jack's eyes. "Ianto you are a young man so tightly strung, so determined to control his emotions, that when a woman came along who could see past the barriers and stir the passions stored below you fell madly, wildly and blindly in love." Jack had stared into his eyes and Ianto had almost been able to feel some of his barriers begin to crumble under the assault. "Ianto, you can't continue to bottle all your emotions up, you have a darkness in you, I saw it that first time we met, I recognised it. If you continue to deny it, it will just continue to build up and explode in ways you don't want it too. Better with me this time, but you have to learn how to accept it and live with it. Everyone has a little dark and light it's how you deal with it that counts."

"You knew" Ianto had gasped embarrassed to realise that his eyes were wet with unshed tears. "You knew what would happen yet you still stayed"

Ianto's tears had actually started falling then, for the first time since he'd found Lisa in the rubble of the Torchwood London building and Jack had simply folded him into his arms. " I …loved…her…so …much" Ianto had gasped between sobs "She….saw …past….the mask. She saw the real me!. I had…to do the same…for her….I had to see …the real her….trapped …..underneath that thing…." Jack had just held him and waited. Finally in a small voice Ianto had admitted the truth "But she wasn't there was she?!"

The four week suspension had been hard, he'd felt so raw and vulnerable, so much he'd been trying to hold down had came back to haunt him. His lonely childhood, his fear of losing control, the death and destruction of Canary Wharf and the loss of his colleagues when he'd finally thought he had been settling in, the loss of Lisa the only one who'd ever understood him, the death of two innocent people he'd been responsible for by bringing 'Lisa" to Cardiff. His fault, everything.

The only thing that kept him going, stopped him from just curling back up in bed in a stupor was Jack. Jack had popped around to his flat almost every day, "to get a coffee fix" in his words, but in reality to check on him and keep him up to date with what was happening in the office. Although awkward at first, as Ianto had been worried Jack might try and make another pass at him or something crass, instead Jack had played his role of concerned boss expertly, making most of the conversation so Ianto didn't have to, but keeping it light and work related. Ianto had noticed that much of Jack's conversation seemed to revolve around Gwen, something she'd said or done that he thought was funny or cute, and …well he hadn't been sure what he felt about that….then.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ianto's Story: Part 3**

Returning to the office, it had helped that the others still basically ignored him. However Jack….. had still been Jack. His gentle flirting had started back up, he still complimented the suits. He had been like a comfort blanket, a memory or a feeling he could wrap around himself to soften the pain when it got bad. So when Ianto had found Jack in obvious distress after he had, had to let Jasmine go with the Faeries and the rest of the team had turned on him, told him they wouldn't forgive him, Ianto had wanted to return a little of the comfort and had surprised himself by softly kissing Jack and had been surprised by the fluttering response in his own chest.

It didn't mean he wasn't still hurting, still missing Lisa and around the others he tried to keep up his good little office boy act. It had been hard to pretend he didn't care when he did, when he ached with his whole body. Even though he was trying to hide it, it still hurt that the others seemed to forget his pain so easily. When Gwen and the others had thoughtlessly tried to tease him about the last person he had 'snogged' on that eventful trip to the country, instead of ignoring it or running away, which would have been his normal response, he had taken some pleasure in watching their discomfort when he'd snapped back the answer "Lisa". "You'd forgotten hadn't you" he'd accused them. However he had felt some of the pleasure drain away when he saw the angry glance sent his way from Jack.

The events that had followed in that village of cannibals, although horrible, had actually been a turning point for him in rebuilding, or more truthfully building for the first time, a relationship with his new colleagues. It had really been his first time in the field, although training by Torchwood London in arms and combat was standard and he'd know he'd performed well in the training, he'd never had to use it in the field. He'd been shocked to see the excitement in Tosh's eyes. Tosh so quiet, so restrained in the office, always so polite to him and everyone, almost as good as he was at controlling her emotions, but when things had started to go wrong it was like she came alive. They'd all been so close to disaster and he the closest, then Jack had burst into the room in a blaze of guns saving them all like the hero he was. When it was over there had been a buzz, an adrenalin rush through the group and he'd felt it too, even though he'd almost died, he had been scared but he had also felt good, he had felt alive for the first time.

Then he'd become aware that Owen and Gwen were sleeping together. They hadn't exactly been discrete about it, he'd felt sympathy for Tosh who obviously had a thing for Owen herself, but he had been surprised by the amount of relief he had felt that Jack was obviously not sleeping with Gwen.

However he had been shocked when Jack had tackled him on why he'd lied about his last snog and had then kissed him gently again, whispering "Your turn" in his ear before departing. Ianto had realised his attraction to Jack was growing but he also realised that Jack had made it into a game, allowing Ianto to set the pace. At first Ianto had been determined not to play and to restrict himself to his fantasies. He was pretty sure that he wasn't the only one in the office who'd had a fantasy featuring Jack after the event with the cannibals when Jack had come storming in all guns blazing. That whole scene had been so hot! However, about a week after that he had come into the Hub early and seen Jack asleep on the couch. In sleep his face relaxed, his eyelashes fluttering on his cheek he had looked so innocent, so beautiful so unlike the Jack he had become familiar with. Ianto had been unable to resist and had pressed his mouth to that of the sleeping man using his tongue to explore whilst Jack couldn't fight back for dominance. When he'd felt Jack stir to wakefulness he had stepped back and tried to school his features to innocence but he had seen the glint in Jack's eye and knew he would have his retribution. Just over a week later, Jack had cornered him in the stationary cupboard, moving silently up behind him so that Ianto had been unaware of Jack's presence until he had felt the warmth of the man standing close behind him but not quite touching. "Turn around" Jack had breathed in his ear. Ianto had known the decision was his, he could turn into Jack's embrace willingly or ignore the command. He had turned and Jack's arm had encircled his waist pulling him in closer. This time Jacks mouth had latched onto his own in a hard and punishing kiss and Ianto had wrapped one hand around Jack's head and pulled him in to strengthen the kiss further. Tongues had clashed, teeth had knocked together, Ianto had gently bitten on Jack's bottom lip and then Jack had pulled away leaving Ianto panting and wanting more. Ianto had, had to spend the next 30 minutes in the stationary cupboard thinking about cold showers before he had felt comfortable enough to return to the Hub. He had seen Jack smirking at him from his office with a stopwatch in his hand, a playful tease on the time and motion studies that Ianto liked to carry out. Ianto had blushed a little and hoped no-one else in the team had noticed.

It had been a couple of months of anticipation and agony and 3 months after the death of Cyber-Lisa he'd finally made his mind up that it was time to take action and move things along. Jack had just thrown that stop-watch at him with a wink and he'd almost got a hard-on right there in front of everyone…and a corpse. The benefits of sex with a man was that it didn't have to be an emotional connection, it could just be a physical release and that's what he needed he had rationalised to himself.

He'd been so damned nervous when he'd propositioned Jack with the stopwatch over Suzie's corpse, maybe in hindsight not the best location, and for one minute he'd thought Jack might actually turn him down, so his heart had started racing when Jack had grinned at him in response.

"It's part of my time and motion study" It was 10 minutes later and Ianto had just handed over a spreadsheet to Jack in his office, he had been really nervous he might have got this wrong and that Jack wouldn't get the joke. "I thought it was important that there was a record of the amount of productive time that has been lost recently and the reason why I need to do something about it." Ianto tried to keep his tone even and professional and stop the rising flood of colour into his face.

Jack had taken the spreadsheet reluctantly at first but had quickly looked up at him again with a strange expression on his face. "I wouldn't say the time was unproductive. In fact from the looks of this you have been particularly productive …really three times yesterday?" he had asked and Ianto had let out a sigh of relief when he had seen the lascivious smile on Jack's face.

"Well you were playing that game of baskets with Owen, Sir. You ..eh….had to strip down to your ….eh…t-shirt" His voice had croaked on the last word. He really did have a thing for that white t-shirt.

Jack had laughed in delight and Ianto had noticed for the first time the way when Jack really laughed his head went back displaying his tanned neck and Ianto had just wanted to put his lips on that neck. "What a waste" Jack had chortled "…if I'd known that's why you scuttled away so fast I'd have offered a helping hand" Ianto had really felt the heat in his face at that, it was a good job that the CCTV coverage didn't cover the toilet in the tourist office.

"You really do love that stopwatch don't you…" Jack had muttered then he had finally thrown the pages into the corner of the room as he'd intended to at the start, and halted Ianto's objection with a finger to his lips.

"Very inventive Ianto, and I have no problem with helping you gather all the data that you could ever want and we'll put that stopwatch to good use, but another time, I've been waiting for this too long." Jack had leant in replacing his finger with his lips in one fluid move and Ianto had groaned loudly leaning into the hard warm body pressed against his own. Ianto had found all his control deserting him at that moment and all he had wanted was Jack immediately. He had wanted to feel Jack's skin under his hands and he had started pulling at the other man's clothes wildly, trying to touch him. He had been aware of Jack tying to tell him to slow down a couple of times but his body just had not obeyed and then Jack's hands had been tearing at Ianto's clothes with equal abandon and then they had both been naked and locked in a tangle of limbs, lips and tongues. Jack had manoeuvred his arm between them and grasped both of their hard cocks in his large hand. Ianto remembered that he had let out a primal groan as one of his fantasies had become real and he had heard Jack laughing in delight at his abandon. "I knew you had this in you, that first night we met, I could see the fire in your eyes" Jack had gasped out as his hand pumped over the two conjoined shafts. Ianto hadn't been able to believe how turned on he had been and he had been slightly embarrassed by his lack of control as his groans had gotten louder and faster and he had realised that Jack had been right about the stopwatch because this was going to be embarrassingly fast. Jacks' hand had matched the tempo of Ianto's wild thrusts and Ianto had felt the roughness of Jack's thumb stroking over his slit. Then just when Ianto had thought he would forget how to breath if it went on any longer, he had felt Jack's other hand reach down between them and his deft fingers had slipped between his thighs to stroke his balls. Ianto had come with a sudden yelp. His cum had shot up between their hot sweaty bodies, he had physically juddered as the orgasm ripped through him in wave after wave of intense feeling. Jack had just held him until his body had at last stilled and his breathing had returned to normal.

Ianto had stepped back and Jack had handed over a tissue to let him clean himself which is when Ianto had noticed something he should have already known and he had blushed bright red .."B. you've not come" he had stammered embarrassed by his pubescent eagerness realising he had not given much thought to Jack's needs in the heady passion of finally giving in to his desires. Jack had just smiled playfully "Do you know how hot you are when you finally lose control. It's a beautiful sight to see the, oh, so controlled Ianto Jones unravel in your hands." Ianto had found himself blushing even redder but Jack had continued " I've had time to learn a little more self control and I'm not finished with you tonight by any means." He had waggled his, rather impressive, cock which had been still pointing up towards the ceiling, playfully at Ianto." I want to do so many other things to you and unlike you youngsters, three times in one night might be a bit much for me"

Ianto had slowly smiled as an idea had come to him."Ok" he had said "On one condition" . "Nope" said Jack "I don't negotiate". Ianto had moved forward and grasped Jack's cock with his own hand, he had slowly rubbed his thumb over the head just as Jack had done to him earlier. He hadn't wanted Jack to think he was some pushover. Jack had groaned and thrown his head back. Ianto had leant in and whispered in Jack's ear. "I don't think you are in a position to negotiate ….Captain" before finally pushing his mouth against the side of that gorgeous neck, nipping lightly with his teeth, using his tongue to swirl a circular pattern against the pulse point.

"Oh god…what ….what is it?" Jack had given in almost immediately and Ianto had loved the feeling of control it had given back to him.

Ianto had smiled as he had knelt in front of his boss, replacing his thumb with his tongue and repeating the action he'd used on Jack's neck. More groaning and Jack's penis had actually jumped much to Ianto's delight. Ianto had then sat back and looked up at the man who was also his boss, to make his demand. "We do it on Owen's desk …next"

So that's what they had done, although the famous self control had not really been in evidence after Ianto had swallowed that beautiful cock down his throat. Then, because he really had been sexually frustrated, and the excitement of giving Jack head had ticked another fantasy off the list…not forgetting the fact that it was Owen's desk after all…Ianto had been ready to try fantasy number 3 on his list. Jack had bent over the desk and had given instructions to Ianto on how to prepare them both and then Ianto had pushed inside that tight, warm cavity. The feeling was unimaginable, better than any drunken fumble he'd ever experienced and he'd actually cried when he'd come that second time much to Jack's evident delight. Then they had showered, shared a pizza and just talked for hours in a way they hadn't before. Later in the bed that Jack kept in the bunker below his office, Jack had returned the favour and Ianto had fallen asleep with a smile on his lips, thinking of all the other things that they were yet to try.

It had started as a purely physical relationship, a release for each of them and Ianto had thought he had it under control, after all he'd never fallen for a man before and anyway his heart still belonged to Lisa. Ianto had been insistent that they should be discrete in the office as he didn't want to make a display of himself like Gwen and Owen had done and had consistently refused, despite some heavy pleading from Jack, to have sex whilst anyone else was in the office. Ianto did allow some heavy petting to occur as long as they were behind closed doors, either in Jack's office or in one of the remoter archives. There were plenty of other opportunities however as they both tended to start early and work late but after that first night though Ianto hadn't stayed over again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ianto's story: Part 4**

Ianto realised something had changed when Tosh and Jack were pulled back into 1941 and his Captain Jack Harkness had met and fallen for the real Captain Jack Harkness.

It had been 3 days after Jack had returned from 1941 and things had still not been the same between them. That day he'd returned Jack had locked himself into his office and apart from taking time to tear a strip off Owen for opening the rift, he'd kept himself apart from the whole team, including Ianto.

Of course Tosh had told them the story about the 'real' Captain Harkness, it seemed to appeal to her romantic side.

"Oh you should have seen Jack's face when the other one, the real Captain Jack came up and asked him to dance" Tosh had told them in delight. Gwen had listened with rapt attention, whilst Owen had pretended to ignore them. Ianto had been pretending to make the coffee although his attention had been on the story. "The whole room stopped and watched them when they took to the floor but I don't think either of them noticed. They were just so …focused on each other"

"Sooo gay" muttered Owen.

"Oh shut-up Owen" Tosh had snapped, flushing slightly only when she had realized what she'd said and to whom "You didn't see them." She had explained "When the rift opened….I wasn't sure Jack would actually leave….they kissed you know. Right there in front of everyone….it was really…beautiful" Tosh had finished on a wistful tone.

It had felt like someone had kicked him in the guts, but he didn't know why it was just sex with Jack wasn't it? He had already guessed that Jack was still sleeping around, it was Jack after all. But Jack hadn't even tried to explain. Then 3 days later and Jack had come striding around the office like his old self, issuing orders. "Ianto" he had called out across the room. "My office in five with the Davenport file…oh and don't forget the coffee".

Five minutes later he had entered Jack's office with the requested file under one arm and the coffee in the other hand. His heart had been pounding, he had known Jack wasn't really after the Davenport file. He had not been sure what was going to happen or how he would react. He had also been unsure why this had hit him so hard in the first place after all he was just scratching a physical itch with Jack, that's all their relationship was, wasn't it?

"So Ianto" Jack had smiled and taken the coffee out of his hand and perched on the edge of the desk. "I've missed you, have you missed me?" he had asked flirtatiously

"I've been here, sir" Ianto had known his reply had sounded stiff and unyielding but he hadn't been able to help himself. Jack had noticed and he had put his coffee cup down, the smile gone. "Tosh – quite descriptive was she?" He asked

"I would even say lyrical, sir" replied Ianto still unyielding. Jack had been quiet for a moment.

"I can't explain it. It was just a moment in time…it doesn't affect us" Jack had tried to explain, but that just seemed to make it worse.

"There is no us" Ianto had felt his self control snapping "I'm just the part-time office shag" he had repeated Owen's recent insult but it was true wasn't it?. Jack's head had snapped up at that. "Do you know…" Ianto had continued now the flood gate had been opened. "You haven't even mentioned the fact that I shot Owen to try and prevent him opening the rift. To prevent him from bringing you back…" Ianto had not been able to control himself any longer and rather than lose control and lose face he had turned smartly and exited the office before Jack could respond.

Ianto hadn't been able to deal with the others right then so he had gone where he always went when he needed to be alone, the archives. He waved a questioning Owen away telling him he had an important task for Jack to complete.

He had decided to tackle the outstanding filing as routine activity always soothed him, but no sooner has he made his decision than the archive door slammed open and Jack was framed in the entrance. Although surprised Jack had followed him Ianto had snorted derisively "Always the dramatic entrance…"

"Not something you usually complain about" Jack had responded his tone not reflecting the innuendo in the comment. He had stalked threateningly into the room striding across the space towards Ianto. Ianto had to admit that the scene was rather hot but his anger had still been too strong.

"Number one" Jack had pushed one finger at Ianto. "You did the right thing shooting Owen. Opening that rift may have caused, may still cause, who knows what damage. I don't know if anyone else on the team would have had that courage and I'm not even fucking them. Number two. It was you that wanted to keep us discrete, keep us out of the spotlight so don't blame me if the others hurt your feelings by telling tales out of school" Jack had pressed his face right into his own so that he had been able to feel Jack's breath as he emphasized his points. "Number three. This…" he had indicated the two of them… "whatever it is and I don't actually have a label for it, it is NOT A PART-TIME SHAG. If I just wanted that I could get it from any bar in town, I would not complicate the office dynamic for something so…shallow." He had paused, he had been breathing heavily and needed to take a couple of calming breaths. He had then continued on a softer tone. "Do you know what it was? I've just spent 3 days working it out. It was like looking into a mirror, and seeing a reflection of myself but only the best bits of myself, a brave man, a man to admire. A man not corrupted by his past and his history. That's heady stuff." Jacks lips had been hovering above his own and Ianto had had difficulty concentrating

"That's narcissism" Ianto had pointed out, he'd licked his own lips nervously. Was Jack right, were they more than casual sex. Certainly their working relationship had become stronger, he knew Jack trusted him when he'd shared the secret of Flat Holm with him, something he hadn't shared with anyone else in the team, not even Gwen. Did Ianto want to be more than a casual shag?

"Well everyone has their faults…" Jack had pulled away slightly and pouted at Ianto "and I_ am_ an extremely, good looking man".

Ianto had known the answer then and had given in then to the hormones racing through his system and he had lunged at Jack grabbing his face and pulling it towards his own, punishing Jack's lips with his own and then he had been grabbing at Jack's clothes, undoing his shirt, pushing up his t-shirt so he could kiss and caress his chest. He'd nipped at Jack's nipples causing Jack to gasp with both shock and pain. "Never…" Ianto had interspersed his sentence with kissing, sucking and biting whatever parts of Jack's body he could reach "cut….yourself…off .. from me… again.. Whatever…it is…..tell me….be honest with me. If ….we are….really more….than casual…sex….let me in". Ianto had been aware of the hypocrisy in that statement he'd been just as guilty of trying to keep Jack at a distance but Jack didn't try and score points instead Jack had gasped "Someone might come down" as Ianto had pushed him down to the rug on the floor, undoing and pulling down Jacks trousers and pants with one quick yank. Ianto had never taken charge quite like that before and a flash of guilt went through him, he knew he was being rough but he needed this and he had wanted Jack to know how much he had suffered over the previous three days and Jack was more than capable of stopping it if he wanted too. "I don't care" he had growled "I want you now". He had grabbed the lube he kept in the office drawer for similar after work occasions. He had quickly stripped himself and just thrown his clothes on the floor behind him, this obvious sign of loss of control had made Jack's eyes darken with desire and lust. "I'm going to fuck you into the floor now, Jack" Ianto had growled and Jack had just nodded back, for once silent.

It had been ten minutes later when Ianto had become aware that Owen was standing dumbstruck in the doorway. He had just indicated angrily with his head that Owen should get the hell away but he had not known whether Owen had obeyed him or not because his attention had gone straight back to the man pinned under him, groaning and thrashing about in passion. When they were sated and lying sticky in each other arms, Ianto had realized another barrier had just been broken between himself and this man and he'd not known whether that was a good or bad thing.

Over that next two weeks the dynamic between them had changed subtly , they each began to open up a little more and Ianto stayed over several times and they would sometimes just talk. One night Ianto had asked whether Jack's immortality could be cured.

"I don't know" Jack had replied wistfully. "I'm waiting for the Doctor". Ianto had nodded but hadn't asked any further questions. Jack had looked at him sharply. "You are not going to ask who the Doctor is or why I don't just call him?" he'd asked.

"Jack, if I was going to ask a question it would be why wait for him here in Cardiff when he seems to turn up in London more frequently?"

Jack had narrowed his eyes at him. "You know too damn much Ianto Jones" his tone was aggrieved but there was a playful smile on his lips. "I don't know where or when he'll turn up in London but I know he will come here to the rift at some point and I'll be waiting for him" There had been something in Jack's tone that had sounded an alarm bell to Ianto. "Do you love him?" the question had slipped out before he could stop it.

"Oh yes.." Jack had replied slightly breathily and Ianto had been surprised to realise that he had apparently swallowed a brick at some point during the evening if the dragging weight in his stomach was anything to go by. "…but the question you should have asked was "Does the Doctor love you' and the answer to that is ….definitely not or he would have never abandoned me. He owes me now though and I mean to claim my due" Jack's tone had moved from the light and flirtatious to the dark and brooding in the space of one sentence.

Ianto looked at Jack's scowling face and knew he needed to lighten the mood so ignoring his own discomfort Ianto had replied "Wow do you mean there is someone out there who is actually immune to your charms, he really must be a remarkable man" It worked and Jack had grinned at him " Now, I didn't say he was totally immune…but he is definitely a remarkable man …" Jack had then told him about his adventures with the Doctor and Rose and despite himself Ianto had been captivated by it all.

It wasn't just his relationship with Jack that had improved over those weeks. After the cannibal event Tosh had cornered him and thanked him for trying to save her life and later Gwen had apologised for being insensitive. To Ianto's relief Owen had not shared what he had witnessed in the Archives, with the girls which redeemed him slightly in Ianto's eyes. Ianto had then found he was opening up a little to them as his confidence grew, especially as he had found he held the ultimate weapon. He could threaten to withhold the coffee….that soon brought them back into line.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ianto's Story: Part 5**

Then things had come crashing down about his ears. He had had to make the most difficult decision of his life, either side with Owen, Tosh and Gwen and open the rift or with Jack. A vision of Lisa had appeared to him to convince him that if the rift opened they could be together again. He hadn't believed that or in the vision, but it had brought back all the raw emotions he had felt about her death and his guilt that he had moved on so quickly with Jack. It had made him question his budding relationship with Jack and that combined with the utter conviction Owen, Tosh and Gwen all had that opening the rift was the right decision and this time Jack was wrong he'd sided with them.

It had resulted in Jack's death. Three days Jack had lain there dead after giving up his life force to stop Abaddon. It had never taken him so long to come back before and Ianto had been convinced this time it was for good and he'd felt something rip inside him. Gwen was the only one who hadn't given up, she'd sat by his side day and night whilst Ianto had skulked around in Jack's office and in his bunker, laying his head on Jack's pillow trying to take in Jack's scent. That was when he had realised it had become more than just sex, at least for him and that the main reason he had sided against Jack was because he had been scared of that. He was a coward.

So three days later when Gwen had walked into the hub with a very live and slightly rumpled looking Jack, Ianto had at first not been able to react. He had been aware of Tosh throwing herself into Jack's arms squealing in delight. He'd not know what to do, he had just failed Jack again. Even if Jack forgave him it would be the end of their relationship and Ianto didn't think he could cope with that. He'd walked stiffly upto Jack, unable to take his eyes from the man who'd started to mean so much to him, trying to explain with his eyes. He'd held out a hand tentatively to ask forgiveness but Jack had pulled him in to his arms and whispered into his ear. "Ianto do not even think about pulling away from me now, it has taken me far too long to chip away your barriers to let you do that". He'd then pressed his lips to Ianto's, Jacks tongue had invaded Ianto's mouth initiating an explosion of feelings that had made Ianto gasp. He heard the girls mirror his own gasp as they caught on to what was happening. The kiss only stopped when a noise behind them indicated that Owen had entered the room, as Jack had moved forward to greet Owen Ianto had taken a sly glance at Gwen to see the reaction on her face feeling a guilty pleasure at the slack open jaw and wide startled eyes she gave him.

But that pleasure and hope for the future hadn't lasted very long. When he, Owen and Tosh had arrived back with the coffees they'd found Gwen standing in the middle of a deserted paper strewn office with no sign of Jack. As the others began to panic that Jack had been abducted Ianto noticed that the hand, the Doctor's hand, was missing and he knew it was much worse than that. Jack had found his Doctor, Ianto was alone again.

Ianto had truly believed he would not see Jack again so he'd thrown himself into his job at Torchwood. As they were one man down he'd started to work in the field more often and he had begun to find he liked it. He had begun to see the adrenalin rush as the others did and he realised he was actually quite good at it. His natural self control gave him an edge in stressful situations and allowed him to keep a clear head which meant he could put his training into practise. He wasn't as gung-ho as Gwen, or as innovative as Tosh or as reckless as Owen but his skills complemented the others. He had begun to think that maybe he would be ok, he could cope without Jack, when 3 months 2 weeks and 3 days after his disappearance Jack had suddenly returned.

Ianto had, had to admit that when he'd turned around and seen Jack there behind him, strolling in to save the day as per usual, he'd felt his heart surge with relief and joy, and when he was asked why he'd returned Jack had responded "I came back for you…"his eyes had locked onto Ianto's for one brief second before sweeping the room "….All of you" and Ianto had felt hope flare in his heart. As he had noted to the others just a short while later "It's more fun with Jack around".

Ianto had gone through every emotion that day, the sudden joy at Jack's return and promise in that first shared look, the jealousy and pain when he had witnessed Jack's reaction to Gwen's engagement, the confusion when Jack had asked him out on a date, the anger when Captain John Hart had tried to double cross them, then got double crossed himself by the woman he'd murdered and finally the relief when John had gone, sending the whole team back to the start of the evening. Jack had insisted everyone avoided the Hub, to avoid themselves over the next few hours. Gwen, Tosh & Owen had immediately headed off to their relative homes for some well earned rest, Ianto had hung back until he and Jack were alone. "What about you, you can't go back to the Hub" Ianto had asked, staring nonchalantly into the distance.

"Well I was hoping one of my team might take pity on me and invite me over…but it seems I've been forgotten in the excitement of getting a night off….unless…." Jack had turned to him one eyebrow raised in question and a hopeful grin on face.

"Thought I was going to get a date first before I put out again." Ianto had drawled keeping his tone light but some of his disappointment must have shown through because Jack had suddenly dropped the grin and turned to face Ianto. "I meant it Ianto" he'd said as he had placed one hand on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto could feel the truth in the statement but there were still so many questions.

"Jack…I know why you left, I know how important the Doctor is to you but I'm glad you are back… No Jack" Ianto had, had to stop Jack from pulling him into a clasp and distracting him because he had to say it. "I'm glad you are back, but if you are serious about it, about wanting to take me on a date I mean, then, I need a few answers and I need a few reassurances. I don't want to share you with half of Cardiff anymore."

Jack had pulled back surprised and the silence had stretched out. Ianto had been prepared for Jack to turn on his heel and walk away, asking Jack to be monogamous for him , Ianto Jones the office tea-boy, was ridiculous. Therefore Ianto had been caught off-balance when Jack had grabbed his head between his hands and pulled him in for a kiss. Ianto had fallen against the other man putting his hands up to steady himself against the other man's chest. Jacks mouth had crushed his own, Jacks tongue had played over his lips and teeth before pushing its way into Ianto's mouth, demanding attention. Ianto had felt his body respond, felt the blood rushing south, leaving him light headed and panting. His whole body seemed to come alive as if it had been in hibernation and that was when he had known he wouldn't go through with his ultimatum to Jack, even part-time Jack was better than none. Jack's mouth moved to his ear nibbling on the lobe, his tongue running around the whole ear, and Ianto had groaned unable to hold it back, his knees were trembling and if Jack hadn't been holding him so tight he might have collapsed into a puddle on the floor. "Ok" Jack was whispering into his ear "That seems fair to me". "We'll go back to yours now pick up some take-away and I'll explain everything, maybe later we can finish this".

"No Jack" It had come out almost as a growl and Jack had stepped back in surprise at the anger in the tone. Ianto had grabbed Jack's arm and marched him over to the SUV, opening the rear doors he had practically shoved Jack into the back before following him in. "We are going to finish this first" he'd growled at Jack " Because otherwise I won't be in any fit state to talk" Jack's huge grin had almost split his face as Ianto had pushed him down on to the floor of the SUV and fallen on him in a mad haze of lust and total abandon. Ianto had taken the lead, stripping Jack completely then holding his hands above his head and covering Jack's body with his own. He had wanted to show Jack that he wasn't the timid little office-boy he'd left behind 3 months earlier. Jack had not complained but he'd questioned where the new techniques had come from. "Jack I've had 3 months to research what I would do to you _if_ you came back." "When.." Jack had replied, "When I came back. Does that mean you have been carrying all this .." he indicated the spanking paddle, the love beads and the lube " around in the SUV all this time. That you planned all this….". Ianto had just raised one eyebrow. "Who said it was for you?" "Hey" Jack had huffed "This no sharing rule works both ways you know" and Ianto had laughed out loud "I can't believe I've just had kinky sex in a carpark".

"Now that's what I call a proper home coming" Jack had beamed back.

They had grabbed a pizza on the way back to Ianto's flat and then settled down facing each other across the small dining table. Ianto didn't want to be distracted by Jack's leg pressinf against his if they sat on the sofa together. "So what do you want to know?" asked Jack. Ianto had to think about it as he so many questions, but his number one priority was "Why me, not Gwen?". "Gwen is engaged to Rhys" Jack had responded. Ianto just raised one eyebrow they both knew that wasn't an obstacle. "Jack I saw your little exchange with Gwen earlier." Ianto had replied a soft reprimand in his voice. Jack actually had the grace to look uncomfortable even if he was way past blushing in embarrassment. "Gwen is important to me, but so are Tosh and Owen…and you. I meant it when I said I'd come back for all of you, I kept thinking about how much you all needed me and I needed you, so when I came back and saw how much Gwen had moved on without me, I was a little jealous…" Ianto held a hand up to shut him up. "I know all that Jack, I worked all that out. If you'd really wanted Gwen like that you could have her. I'm not jealous of Gwen in that way anymore, but you told her about what happened to you, you told her you had died so many times, been dragged back into life, like being hauled over broken glass. That you had seen the end of the world. Why did you tell Gwen all that when you have told me nothing!" He felt his voice rising at the end as his emotions started to spill over.

Jack leaned over the table taking Ianto's hand in both of his and locking his own eyes onto Ianto's he began to talk. "I told Gwen the bare minimum because it was the only way to shut her up, it's not something I want to talk about with anyone…other than you."

Jack had then told him the whole story of the missing year, well Ianto suspected that some of the detail relating to the torture had been glossed over but even so Ianto had, had to hold Jack in his arms as he had shaken whilst relating the worst parts of the Master's torture and watching his whole team die. Then Ianto had taken Jack back to bed and they made love softly and gently, caressing each other, speaking through their hands and their eyes, offering comfort to each other, in a way they had never done before.

Over that next year Ianto had felt happier than he had for a long time even if Jack's past kept coming back to haunt them. Michael Bellini a young man lost in time suddenly appeared up in the Hub and Ianto had been immediately aware of the connection between Jack and the visitor. But when he'd asked Jack had told him the whole story, how he'd met Michael in 1965, tried to help him, fallen a little in love with him and then lost him and how it hadn't happened to Michael yet. Despite the kick of jealousy Ianto had been proud that Jack had confided in him. Then there had been Greg Bishop. Greg was from a much earlier time but it was obvious Jack had loved him and lost him too when Greg's spirit had shown itself to them. Ianto had been able to do nothing but hold Jack that night. Then Owen had died and Jack had been driven by a devil. He'd found the second glove and used it to bring Owen back without thinking through what that would mean to the young man who had always loved the physical pleasures of life. Ianto had been so angry with Jack at first for being so selfish but he couldn't stay angry when he realized how much loss Jack had, had in his life. Ianto's heart ached for him but it ached for himself too, Jack was committed in body to their relationship but he would never be committed in spirit. Ianto knew Jack was protecting himself from the hurt of losing someone he loved, Ianto understood, but it would always be a barrier between them.

After the death of Tosh and Owen at the hands of his own brother, Jack had changed. He'd always been the confident one in their relationship, the stable one, providing comfort and stability to the emotionally fragile young man. Now it was Jack who oscillated between withdrawing from Ianto, ignoring him, treating him as just another team member, to turning up at Ianto's apartment in the dead of night filled with need and demanding attention and affection. The sex varied from hard, lust filled grapples in the darkness of the archives, to long nights twined together sharing secrets and intimacies. Ianto found himself telling this needy Jack everything, even those secrets he hadn't been able to share with Captain Jack Harkness the man in charge. He even told him the truth about his Father the Master Tailor 'not' and Jack hadn't judged him. It was hard, the confusion this caused as Ianto would never know day to day where he stood with Jack. What made it bearable was that he knew that he was the only one who saw this side of Jack, not even Gwen knew this Jack, and that made him, Ianto, special. He had decided he could wait for the rest.

Now it was time to tell Jack that he loved him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Jack's story: Part 1**

Jack was sitting on the couch in Ianto's apartment in the dark. It had been six months since he'd been in Cardiff, six months since the 456 had come back into his life with a vengeance, six months since his heart had been broken into a thousand pieces and he'd had to run as far and as fast as he could. Six months to think and brood and drink and fight and die again and again. It hadn't made him feel better though. He knew now that staying away from Cardiff wasn't enough, he was still plagued with the memories of his lost team, his lost life.

He hadn't wanted to take on the role as leader of Torchwood 3 in 2000 but he'd been left no choice. He'd carefully built a team up around him and he had only brought in people as broken as he was, people who could dedicate their lives, for however long that would be, to Torchwood. Suzie, Tosh and Owen, all dead now, all gone. Then Ianto had come into his life. As an ex Torchwood London operative Jack had been determined not to hire him, he had no love for Torchwood London and its practises, plus there was something about Ianto that told Jack that he was more than just broken, that there was something deeper and darker in his soul. In the end he had overruled his gut instinct and taken the boy into the fold, had he just been thinking with his dick?, maybe as the boy had been cute and Jack had definitely found him attractive, but it was more than that, Jack had felt a connection and understanding, here was someone with secrets, someone hiding them away behind a calm, organised exterior as much as Jack hid behind his loud, chaotic exterior. He'd enjoyed flirting with the boy, trying to get behind his barriers to work out what was going on and then there had been that first time when Ianto had dropped his barriers and they had shared that kiss. Jack had been surprised at his own strong reaction, he'd had no intention of actually making a move on the boy. Flirting in the office was a way of life but he liked to keep his personal life separate, he didn't want the complications in the office. When he'd felt Ianto press his hands to his own bare chest he'd felt the shock of desire take hold, then Ianto's pale blue eyes had gazed into his own, vulnerability and desire had been shining in them like a beacon. Ianto's lips had been swollen with desire and inches from his own. He had been unable to prevent them from touching and the power and passion in Ianto's response had stolen his breath and then tongues and teeth had been fighting for control. He had felt Ianto's desire in the hardness pressing against his own groin and he hadn't been able to resist moving his hand down to feel the power contained in that response, which is when Ianto had suddenly pulled away, a look of horror on his face and he'd run. Jack had felt a little guilty then but he had also known Ianto would be back, that response had been too strong, and Jack had been prepared to wait. He had a suspicion it would be worth it.

Suzies death had hit him hard and forced him to re-evaluate his whole team though. He recognised that they were all hiding themselves away in one way or another. They were becoming distant and closed in, unable to interact with normal society. Then Gwen had come into their lives. She was not brilliant in the way the others were, but she was bright, courageous and she wore her heart on her sleeve. Everything she thought or felt was immediately expressed. She couldn't hide anything, not her initial attraction and growing hero-worship of Jack, which he had to admit he had rather enjoyed, or her affair with Owen as a coping mechanism or her strong heart-felt belief that the world was black and white, that there was always a right and wrong answer. She never forgave him fully for letting Jasmine go with the faeries. He had known that she would never be able to fully accept the darker parts of his soul and his history, with Gwen he would always have to play a part, the part of dashing hero. Although he knew some parts of Gwen's personality grated on his team, and on occasion himself, he also knew she was forcing them to all open up a little and that was good. She was their connection to real-life which is why it was so important she retained that life.

It was Gwen who had opened his eyes to Ianto's pain when Lisa, the Cyberwoman, had been discovered. He'd been so angry that Ianto had lied to him so effectively, he'd just wanted Ianto to prove his loyalty to him, Jack, over and above the abomination and he'd been cruel. It was Gwen with her innocent, romantic view of the world that had made him realise that at heart Ianto was far from the calm, rational, unemotional being he presented himself as, and that it was just a thin veneer trying to hold back a raging tide of emotion, that far outpassed even that Gwen expressed so easily.

Jack had been horrified to find Ianto in an almost catatonic state when he'd gone to visit him after the suspension. He could see Ianto was trying to hold everything inside and failing so he had deliberately provoked the boy until he'd lost control. It was the only thing he could think of, like opening a pressure valve on a boiler. He'd been impressed and also a little scared by the level of violence that was released and even if he had tried to defend himself Jack wasn't sure it would have been effective. The boy had known how to fight, Torchwood London had obviously trained him before putting him down in the archives and it seemed Jack had been underestimating his abilities.

Jack was even more sure that he had been underestimating Ianto when he had recovered to find himself staring into the composed face of the young man who had carefully admitted he had worked out Jack's secret in the 3 months he had worked there, when Owen and Tosh had, had years. He realised that this quiet unassuming man saw and registered everything. Ianto's Torchwood file had told Jack that the young man was intellectual gifted and was suspected to have an eidetic memory. It seemed the files were right. Jack had determined there and then he was going to spend some time with Ianto to get to know him better during his suspension and the more he learnt the more impressed he had become.

Jack had begun to feel quite protective of the young man and when he'd finally returned to the office, Jack had been determined to offer him whatever support Ianto needed. What he hadn't expected was Ianto offering him support in return. It was after the incident with the young girl Jasmine, Jack had, had to make the decision to let the girl go to save the world as a whole. Gwen had not been able to see past the immediate picture, that a young girl was being sacrificed, even if the girl herself wanted to go. She'd accused Jack of making the wrong decision. He expected that from Gwen but when she also influenced Tosh and Owen, that had been hard. He'd brought Gwen in to encourage the others to show emotion but he just hadn't expected the emotion to be used against him. He'd been back at the Hub, alone he'd thought, sitting at his desk just wondering how he could have done it differently, when he had been aware of a small noise and Ianto had been standing in front of him, a cup of coffee in his hand.

"I didn't think you'd still be here" Jack had muttered surprised and a little embarrassed to be found in obvious distress. Ianto had sat the coffee down in front of him. "I heard what happened, I thought you might need to talk". Ianto had replied softly. He had then moved up behind Jack and pulled at the shoulders of Jack's coat, which up until that point he hadn't been aware he had still been wearing. "Let me hang this up?" Ianto requested and Jack had stood obediently to allow Ianto to remove it from his frame. "Don't you want to tell me I made the wrong decision too" asked Jack a sarcastic tone creeping into his voice despite himself. Ianto had hung the coat on the hanger before turning and looking straight into Jack's eyes. "I don't think you would have made that decision unless you had no choice" he had replied. "I think the others know that too, they just need someone to blame, at least for a while. It makes it easier to blame someone else…" Ianto's voice trailed off and Jack knew he was thinking about Lisa at the point.

"You don't think I'm a monster anymore then?" Jack had asked the young man lost in thought in front of him. Ianto had looked up suddenly at that, a blush staining his cheeks, then he'd stepped forward towards Jack and had put one hand up to Jack's cheek. "You didn't blame me for that heat of the moment comment then, don't blame them now. They'll get over it too…." Then Ianto had brushed his mouth against Jack's not in the heat of passion, but gently, reassuringly. Jack had gently wrapped his arms around the young man and deepened the kiss slightly and Ianto had briefly responded before pulling away. "Good night, Sir" he'd said as he left the room and Jack had been left with a small smile on his face instead of the frown that had been there before.


	8. Chapter 8

**Jack's Story: Part 2**

He'd started to think then that maybe he and Ianto might become more, despite his own rule not to fraternise with the team. His hopes were crushed when first Ianto had obviously avoided him for several days after that second kiss in his office and then lied to the rest of the team when they were out in the Brecon Beacons about who was his last snog. He'd cornered Ianto about that later. Ianto had entered his office to do the final coffee cup round-up as per normal. They had gotten into the habit of sharing a few words last thing at night before Ianto went home, usually they kept it light but that night Jack had been waiting.

"Why did you lie?" he'd asked curiously Ianto had looked shocked, eyes and mouth wide open and Jack had wondered briefly what lie Ianto thought he was asking about but he decided to put him out of his misery. "Why did you say Lisa was your last snog? Are you embarrassed about kissing a man, or just that it was me?"

"You lied too" Ianto blustered "So I didn't think you wanted them to know"

"I didn't lie" Jack had answered "I prevaricated, that's different. So why did you say Lisa"

Ianto had looked down at his shoes as he answered. "I was fed up with them ignoring me" he muttered. "I wanted to shake them up a bit"

"It certainly did that" Jack had replied "But if you want them to notice you, you have to open up to them a little you know. Like you do with me"

"Not exactly like I do with you, surely" Ianto had said his eyes looking up from under his lowered lids, a small smile playing on his lips.

A huge grin spread across Jack's face as he recognised the teasing tone in Ianto's voice. He jumped up from his seat and walked over to the young man still staring demurely at his feet. He had placed a hand under his chin lifting the face to his own, a small smile had still been playing on the man's lips. He placed his own lips chastely to those in front of him, just darting his tongue out to draw it along the lower lip of the other man and felt the slow in-drawn breath. Then he'd moved away leaving the other man leaning towards him, lips slightly parted. It was an inviting sight but Jack knew Ianto wasn't ready yet. "Not quite like you do with me, that's just between us. Your turn I think" he'd whispered in return. Ianto had left the office, Jack noticed, walking a little stiffly and he'd eased a hand across his own slightly uncomfortable crotch. This was going to be a slow process but he was determined Ianto would come to him when he was ready. What had followed was a gentle game. Jack had initiated their first kiss right at the start, Ianto had initiated the second kiss after Jasmine and now Jack had initiated that third kiss. Ianto had retaken the initiative about a week later. Jack had pulled an all-nighter and having returned from a fruitless Weevil hunt and had closed his eyes on the couch in the Hub for what was meant to be 30 seconds, but he had obviously dozed off. He had woken up to a soft pressure on his mouth and the touch of someone else's tongue to his own, as soon as his eyes blinked open the presence had disappeared and he became aware of Ianto standing in front of him with a coffee in his hand. He'd smiled, it had not a bad way to wake up and even better now the ball was back in his court and he had a few ideas. It was a light-hearted game they both enjoyed without any pressure on either side, so when Ianto had finally made a move Jack had been briefly caught unawares.

After all the build-up Jack had been as eager as an adolescent again. He smiled just thinking about that first night they had spent together, how keen Ianto had been when he'd finally made his decision and how Jack had been unable to hide his own eagerness for long. The first time had been a mad, rushed coupling without finesse or thought and had been all the hotter for it. Seeing Ianto lose control completely had made Jack's blood boil. He'd only hung on as long as he had because he had wanted to show the young man all that they could have together. But Ianto had surprised him again by taking back control in the middle there, it had been apparent that he had been more experienced than was at first evident. The man had always been full of surprises.

At first their relationship had been simply about lust and release for both of them. Ianto was still mourning Lisa and Jack was careful about letting anyone in too close. An added bonus was that Ianto preferred to keep the relationship discrete within the office. Jack would get a sneaky thrill in the mornings from watching the carefully tailored and reserved Ianto doing his rounds in the office under the unknowing gaze of the other team members, when 30 minutes earlier he had been in state of dishevelment, desperately begging Jack for more. It was the contradiction between his reserved veneer and the passion hidden inside that had made Ianto so delectable.


	9. Chapter 9

**Jack's story: part 3**

Something changed after Jack and Tosh had got caught in 1941 and Jack had met the real Captain Jack Harkness. Jack had been attracted to the man who had been everything he himself could and would never be, a real hero and a mortal who would give up his life, permanently, for his men. He'd felt such desolation that he would never be that man, that he could never live up to that name. Dancing in the Captain's arm he had had to admire the courage of the man who was willing to risk his reputation and Jack had felt something he had not felt for a long time, a connection, a feeling of belonging perhaps. It had unsettled him and when he had returned through the rift he had needed time to get his thoughts straight. He realised that he had opened himself up to this man and in doing so had felt some of his own burden lift from his shoulders. He had been cutting himself off from others for too long. During this period of retrospection he hadn't even considered how his actions in 1941 might be interpreted by Ianto. However he had known something was wrong as soon as Ianto had entered his office, the controlled anger in the man's body was reminiscent of the time in his apartment right after the Lisa incident when Ianto had exploded in rage.

"Tosh – quite descriptive was she?" He had asked

"I would even say lyrical, sir" replied Ianto from between stiff lips

Jack had tried to explain but he hadn't got his thought processes in the right order, he'd wrongly thought Ianto would just accept this as he seemed to accept everything else, with his usual equanimity

"There is no us" Ianto had snapped at him "I'm just the part-time office shag" Jack had gasped at that, did Ianto really believe that? Before he could pull his thought processes together Ianto had turned on his heel and left. Jack knew he'd gone to hide himself away before he lost control, should he respect that? Control was so important to Ianto. No, damn it. Ianto holding on to his control was part of the issue, it meant he was hiding part of himself from Jack. Jack determined to follow him and have it out now.

"Always the dramatic entrance…" Ianto had sneered as Jack had found him and flung open the door, well ok it had been deliberately dramatic but Jack wanted to invoke a response from Ianto.

"Not something you usually complain about" Jack had responded as moved up into Ianto's face to provoke the man further. "Number one. You did the right thing shooting Owen. Opening that rift may have caused, may still cause, who knows what damage. I don't know if anyone else on the team would have had that courage and I'm not even fucking them. Number two. It was you that wanted to keep us discrete, keep us out of the spotlight so don't blame me if the others hurt your feelings by telling tales out of school. Number three. This…" he had indicated the two of them… "whatever it is and I don't actually have a label for it, it is NOT A PART-TIME SHAG. If I just wanted that I could get it from any bar in town, I would not complicate the office dynamic for something so…shallow." He had paused then as he had realised the truth of the statement himself. He had not actually considered it before, but from the time Ianto had kissed him after the Jasmine incident Jack had not looked for any other company of any type. Even his brief infatuation with Gwen had dissipated to a mild attraction and respect at her ability to be so open with her emotions.

When Ianto had grabbed him there had been nothing gentle about the action. It had been a Ianto that he had never seen before, angry but controlled. He had punished Jack's mouth with his own and with strong but concise movements he has stripped Jack naked with minimum fuss "Never cut….yourself…off .. from me… again.. Whatever…it is…..tell me….be honest with me. If ….we are….really more….than casual…sex….let me in". Jack had immediately realised the truth of the statement, he had been taking Ianto for granted. His mind was trying to hold onto this important point but his senses were taking over. He had not allowed himself to be dominated like this for a long time and the effect it was having on him was electrifying.

"I'm going to fuck you into the floor now, Jack" Ianto had growled and Jack had just nodded back because he couldn't think of anything to say. Ianto had pushed him down to his hands and knees and run one lubricated finger along his arse crease pushing his finger in to his hole, hard and in one movement, making him squeal briefly, then a second finger had been added and Jack found himself pushing back hard against the fingers. He wanted this desperately. "Now, take me now Ianto" he had gasped and felt the fingers removed and the head of Ianto's cock immediately pressed against his entrance. He paused. "Tell me what you want Jack, tell me how you want me to take you" Ianto whispered in his ear. "Hard, Ianto, take me hard and fast. Punish me…please" Jack was begging now, when had Ianto taken so much control over him. God it felt so good to let someone have this sort of control over him, it had been so long since he'd trusted anyone enough, but he realised he trusted Ianto.

"I'm yours" he said simply and knew right at the moment he meant it and Ianto did too because he pushed himself home without any further prevarication and Jack felt the burning and it felt good. Then Ianto was pounding into him, holding onto his hips to hold him still with a grip of iron, the pain and the sweetness each time Ianto hit his prostrate had Jack in agony, a mixture of pain and intense pleasure. Ianto had been totally engrossed in his own pleasure and had ignored Jack's cock which was standing out painfully in front of him, Jack had to hold his weight up with both arms to bear the weight of the man behind and leaning on top of him so couldn't touch himself. "Touch me" he had called up, pleading to the man above him but he had been ignored. Then he had felt Ianto's breath catch, his muscles tense and then he felt his cock twitch inside him as Ianto's orgasm washed over him. Then Ianto had collapsed over his back. Jack had shaken with the effort of holding them both up, still heavy with unloaded desire. Just as he had thought he might collapse into a puddle on the floor he had felt a hand move around his body and attach itself to his throbbing manhood. Ianto's hand had moved up and down slowly, then his thumb had brushed over his slit which was weeping with pre-cum and using it to lubricate his hand Ianto had suddenly thrust with his hand hard twice and Jack had come splashing over the hand that held him and onto the rug on which he was knelt.

"Well that will need to be taken to the dry cleaner now" came the sardonic comment above him and Jack had laughed, out loud, a real belly laugh, not his carefully practised guffaw and the man above him had joined in and they collapsed into a heap on the rug, holding onto each other laughing until they had cried.

That was a turning point for Jack, he'd realised Ianto had become an important fixture in his life and their relationship began gently to open up. There had been shared confidences and Jack had surprised himself by telling Ianto more about his complex (love/hate/respect/fear) feelings for the Doctor and had been delighted by Ianto's easy acceptance of it. Jack had felt something that had been in long hibernation inside him, start to wake up that day and it had frightened and excited him at the same time.

So when the betrayal came just a week later it had hit him hard. His whole team had mutinied against him to open the rift letting through the demon Abaddon. Owen had always fought against authority and has been seriously disturbed since Diane's departure so it had not been such a surprise and Tosh had always sided with Owen, Gwen had witnessed the death of her boyfriend and was ruled by her emotions, but Ianto….that had hurt.

He had felt soft lips on his own and a hard cold surface on his back, his awakening that time had been different, much gentler, maybe it had been due to the way he had died, a gradual draining of his life force by Abaddon rather than a violent abrupt death. His eyes had fluttered open and he had seen Gwen's back retreating from the room.

"Thank you" he had called after her. The joy and love in her eyes had delighted him and made his heart beat a little quicker, Gwen would always have a special place in his heart, but the strength of her reaction had surprised him, she had known he could not die. "How long was I gone for then?" he asked when he had finally extricated himself from her arms.

"3 days, Jack, 3 days, we all thought…..Come on, the others need to see this for themselves" She had pulled him out into the hub where Jack could see Ianto and Tosh working. They had turned and seen him and then Tosh had thrown herself into his arms. Jack had watched Ianto make his way over, his movements had been slow and stiff, so careful, so controlled. Jack had been able to smell the guilt pouring off him and just knew that Ianto had probably been beating himself up about this retreating slowly back into himself again. Jack had decided there and then despite the betrayal he was not going to let Ianto disppear again. Ianto had approached nervously refusing to make direct eye contact, and had awkwardly held out one hand as though a penitent seeking forgiveness and Jack had pulled him forcefully in for a hug and whispered into his ear. "I won't let you pull away from me now… Ianto". Despite knowing Ianto's dislike of public displays he'd pulled the younger man into him and kissed him properly, trying to tell him with his mouth and tongue that he had been forgiven and had been pleased to feel the eager response from Ianto.

10 minutes later and everything had changed again. His Doctor had come back and Jack had, had no time to do anything but grab the hand in the jar and jump for the Tardis before it disappeared. He'd sent out a silent goodbye to his team, pushing down the guilt and had disappeared.


	10. Chapter 10

**Jack's Story: Part 4**

Both the death and the resurrection had hurt and the Master had enjoyed watching the effect of both, over and over again in as many different ways as possible. Sometimes slowly, sometimes fast, sometimes multiple times a day. He had always asked Jack afterwards what it felt like, how he would rate it as a way to die, as though he were carrying out one of those household surveys on the street. Jack had felt he like he was just a toy, a jack in the box. Push him down and up he pops again. Jack had tried to hold on to his sanity by keeping the images of all the people he cared about in the front of his mind. One image in particular kept pushing to the top of the list – Ianto. Ianto would be waiting for him. Ianto needed him. He couldn't believe now that he'd held himself back from his relationship with Ianto because he'd been scared of feeling too much when he eventually lost him – and Jack always lost everyone in the end. He'd missed out on what could have been, because he was scared or what might be. He had decided that when he got back, if he got back, if Ianto survived, he was going to do it properly this time.

When he had returned he had looked at his team. "Why did you come back" Ianto had asked. "I came back for you…" he looked Ianto in the eye for beat he hoped that was enough but he had to be honest. "…all of you" he had said looking around the whole team, his team. They hadn't been willing to just welcome him back with open arms at first and when he'd discovered Gwen had become engaged to Rhys he had briefly felt betrayed. Gwen was moving on with her life, she would probably have to leave Torchwood, leave him…after everything he had given to return to his team. He'd known right away that was unfair, hadn't he told Gwen she had to keep her real life going, it was just jealousy on his part that he could never have that sort of life himself again. He'd made an effort to pull back the dark emotions. "Congratulations Gwen".

Then he'd made up with Ianto. Ianto had surprised him again.

"….I don't want to share you with half of Cardiff anymore" Ianto had exclaimed and Jack had been in shock, did Ianto really believe that he, Jack, had been sleeping around. There hadn't been anyone, excluding a snog here and there but that didn't count, since Ianto. He had grabbed Ianto and kissed him trying to tell him with touch what he couldn't afford to put into words. "That seems fair to me" Jack had agreed easily. "We'll go back to yours now pick up some take-away and I'll explain everything, maybe later we can finish this".

"No Jack" Ianto's tone had been angry and Jack wondered what he had said wrong this time "We are going to finish this first" Ianto had actually growled at him at that point and that's when Jack had known dark Ianto was coming out to play and his whole body had jumped to attention. Ianto in control that was just what he needed and wanted right then. The things Ianto had done to him then in the back of the SUV, possibly while their other selves were running around the car-park unaware, had allowed him to be taken away from the memories just for a while.

Later Ianto had confronted him about Gwen, something he had been expecting especially when he realised Ianto had overheard his earlier exchange with Gwen. He'd been trying to explain his complicated feelings and find a way to reassure Ianto, when Ianto had interrupted him . "… you told her you had died so many times, been dragged back into life, like being hauled over broken glass. That you had seen the end of the world. Why did you tell Gwen all that when you have told me nothing!" Jack had felt his mouth drop open in surprise, Ianto wasn't jealous that Jack might desire her, he was jealous that he'd told her something about his trip away, first."

"…it's not something I want to talk about with anyone…" Jack had replied looking intently into the eyes of the other man willing him to understand as he had understood so much already and then he heard himself say something that he hadn't known he was going to "…other than you."

Jack had found himself opening up to Ianto, felt himself breaking down as he related some of the details he had not intended to remember again, felt Ianto pull him from the dining table to hold him in his arms comforting him like a child on the old couch. It had felt right, even though it meant having to give up his hero persona, if there was one person he knew he could do that with without being judged, it was Ianto.

Things had settled back down quite quickly after that, the team had quickly accepted Jack back as their leader and a general acceptance that Jack and Ianto were more than just friends even if Ianto did prefer to keep the public display of affection to a minimum. They had begun to spend regular nights together, sometimes in the hub, sometimes at Ianto's flat. When rift activity allowed they would go out for dinner or occasionally catch a movie. One of Jack's favourite dates had been when they had gone to the zoo, ok they had actually been working, but Ianto had allowed him to hold his hand in public and Jack had been surprised at how proud he had felt.

He had held Gwen in his arms as they danced at her wedding. "Will you miss me?" Gwen had asked. She had looked up into his eyes and he had seen the love and desire there and he had felt his own heart contract. Gwen was and always would be special to him. She was the one person in his life that was totally open, who hid nothing of herself from him, even Ianto still hid a part of himself. He loved her for that, even as he also knew if had ever acted on his feelings he would have broken her. She only saw him as the golden hero, she didn't know or understand his darker side, he loved to be seen as the golden hero but he also knew it wasn't real.

Then Ianto had cut in and Jack had been surprised because Ianto did not do public displays. As they dance Ianto had whispered into his ear "I know it was hard for you seeing her get married".

"Of course it wasn't" Jack had automatically denied. He had felt the young man in his arms stiffen in anger. "Jack…just don't" Ianto's voice had been full of hurt and Jack had felt the admonishment in the tone.

Jack had thought back over the last few months which have been tough on both of them and how much Ianto had had to accept. First there was him running away with the Doctor and when he finally returned Ianto had been confronted with Jack's intimate history with John Hart. Still Ianto had understood and accepted him back with open arms, well not quite. Jack smiled to himself as he remembered what had happened in the back of the SUV.

But after John Hart, Michael had popped back into his life literally. Michael Bellini, a young, confused man, an unwitting time traveler and another ex-lover. Well ex for him, still the future for Michael. A young man with whom he'd connected in 1965 but hadn't been able to save, another name on his list. Ianto though had come to him and with his quiet reassurance had listened to the story and encouraged him to go to Michael and offer him the support and encouragement he needed. Then there had been Greg Bishop. Jack had loved him and lost him too soon and he knew Ianto had seen that when Greg's spirit had shown itself to them, but Ianto had made no comment and asked no questions. Ianto had accepted everything and asked nothing in return. Jack knew he owed Ianto the truth

"It is not about wanting Gwen, it's about wanting what Gwen has." he had whispered to his young lover "Gwen represents something I will never have, will never be. Sometimes I just want all that compassion, all that belief in right and wrong and I want to hold on to it and believe in it myself." He paused. "Gwen doesn't love me, she loves the man she wants me to be. I need someone who accepts all of me who has the strength and depth of character to contain me, hold me, support me, understand me and sometimes, when needed, to stop me. I need...you" He had turned his attention back to the young man in his arms, wrapping his arms tighter around him, he feels Ianto settle in to rest his head on his shoulder. Jack never wanted to let him go and instead had whispered all the things he would do to him later that night and he had started to believe that maybe, just maybe he could have a future with this man.

Then disaster had struck, Gray had returned and Tosh and Owen had died. Jack had been in torment, for a year the three of them had tried to continue alone. Jack had known his behaviour to Ianto had not been fair, he had been torn between an intense need to have Ianto, to hold Ianto, to have him in his life permanently and an intense fear of the pain he would feel when Ianto inevitably left him. He was aware that Ianto was trying to have the "couple" conversation and he kept deflecting it. He wasn't ready to deal with it but he knew he would have to be soon. Maybe that was why he had decided it was time to look for replacements for Tosh and Owen, maybe that was why he had been too eager to trust Dr Rupesh Patajali. A trust that had led to Jack being blown to pieces destroying the Torchwood Three hub.

Even after three years Ianto continued to surprise him. Who would have thought then that the young office boy would be the one to come riding in on his white charger (or a forklift in this case) to save him from his concrete prison, Jack had felt so proud of the young man, even as his own life came crashing about his ears when the truth about his role in the deal with the 456 had come out. Ianto had still supported him even then, still guided him. "The Jack I know would've stood up to them." Ianto had been right as usual and this time he had been determined that that was exactly what he would do.

"I should be the one to go with you Jack" Gwen's voice had been determined. "I am the field operative, Ianto is better with the technical stuff"

"But you are pregnant" Jack had tried to insist "Exactly" Gwen had retorted. "This is about the children and I'm going to be a Mother I have a vested interest. I'm only a few weeks gone and I'm not an invalid. We are only going in to talk to them for god's sake." Jack had looked to Ianto with a plea in his eyes, he wanted Ianto by his side, his rock.

"Jack, I think Gwen's right. I am best suited to staying here and monitoring the situation. Take Gwen on this" So Jack had agreed and 30 minutes later he had been holding Gwen in his arms as she breathed her last, poisoned by the 456. "Jack" she had whispered "I love you, I always loved you". "Don't" he cried in anguish those shouldn't be her last words not his Gwen, his passionate, courageous Gwen. Gwen was going to be a Mother and live out her life happily with Rhys, the man who deserved her, now all that potential, all that future gone. He pressed his lips to her's as they both breathed their last. When he came to he was lying beside her white, dead body. He hadn't been able to meet Ianto's eye, didn't want to deal with Ianto's grief, didn't want to think about how easily it could have been Ianto's dead body. He'd ordered Ianto away, to look after his sister's kids in Wales, he couldn't take it anymore. He was better alone. After it was over, after he had sacrificed his own grandson to save the children he'd left without making contact with Ianto again. He had thought that best, a clean break, he couldn't afford to love and lose anyone else.

But now he was back, he was sitting in the dark waiting for Ianto to return.


	11. Chapter 11

**Ianto's story: Part 6**

Jack was devastated by Gwen's death and of course he blamed himself for taking her in there with him. Then the only way to defeat the 456 was by sacrificing his own grandson while Ianto had been away trying to save his own niece and nephew. Ianto thought he'd lost Jack forever then. He disappeared without a word and Ianto was petrified that he would never be back

Six months later, though, Ianto came home to find Jack sitting on the sofa. He didn't know whether to hit him or kiss him.

Without looking up Jack starts to speak. "She was the one who was supposed to have a normal life, to get married, have children, grow old, enjoy her grandchildren" Ianto could hear the despair in his voice. "She would have had that if I hadn't recruited her. She would have had a life"

"That's not true Jack" Ianto said as calmly as he could "You didn't force her to join Torchwood, she came looking for us. She came looking for us because there was something missing in her life. She had her job, she had Rhys but it wasn't enough for her. It's the same for all us, Tosh and Owen, Gwen, myself. Before Torchwood, before you, we were all lost souls."

"I've made some bad choices. Look what I've become" he looked at Ianto then and Ianto could see the darkness in his eyes.

"We all make bad choices, but most of us are lucky that we don't live long enough to see the result….you don't have that luxury."

"But my own grandson…what should I have done Ianto?" He asks pleading now. Ianto sits down beside him and takes Jack's hands in his own

"Jack there was nothing you could do - all those children or the end of the world – you had no options. You and I both know the world is not black and white, someone has to make the difficult decisions and that someone is usually you whatever the cost."

"His mother, my own daughter, doesn't believe that, she has disowned me now for good. I've lost her too….and Rhys how is he doing? I assume you've stayed in touch?" He looks at Ianto and sees the answer in his eyes. "Yes of course you did, always looking after everyone else, always looking after me"

"Rhys took it hard, he's recovering slowly, but it's always hardest for the one's left behind…..and the tragedy is that, Jack, that will always be you. Gwen, Owen and Tosh died doing something that made them happy. Given the choice I'd choose a short and happy life over long and miserable…..but you don't have that choice…..so Jack I understand if you can't bear to have me around knowing I will have to die too…. but it's a shame."

Jack reached up and took Ianto's face between his hands and kissed him softly on the lips. "I can't stay here Ianto, Torchwood is dead, there is nothing for me here."

Ianto bit back his hurt and pain. "Where will you go then?'

Jack looked up "There's a cold-fusion cruiser surfing the ion reefs just at the edge of the solar system, just waiting to open its transport dock. I just need a signal"

Ianto looked at Jack for a moment then got up and opened the drawer of his desk he returned with Jack's wrist strap. "They found it in the wreckage of Torchwood, it's obviously as indestructible as you are. I had a new strap fitted by the way …. you owe me 50 quid" Ianto passed the wrist strap over trying to be brave, trying to imagine the pain Jack must have faced over and over again. Jack took it from him and then looked the young man up and down.

"So you're making the most of your Torchwood experience then" Jack indicates the uniform of a local coffee house chain Ianto was wearing.

"Well I didn't exactly have a referee I could offer …. and I do love my coffee"

"Quite cute, but I prefer the suits….perhaps you should pack both just in case?"

"Pack?" Ianto's heart starts to pound a little.

"Ianto - I'm sorry I ran away I panicked. I panicked at the thought of losing you too, you most of all" Jack was earnest now. "But I've realised I'd rather have whatever time I can with you because I'm going to have live long enough without you eventually, come with me…." Ianto smiled this was all he wanted, or needed, for however long they had together. "Whatever you say….sir" he pulled Jack into him for a passionate embrace. "Will that cruiser wait …..but I haven't seen my boyfriend for a while…." Jack let out a growl and pushed Ianto down prone onto the sofa and fell on him, as though he was a starving man at a feast. He had Ianto out of his clothes in seconds and his cock in his mouth, working his lips up and down the shaft, teasing the head with his tongue. Damn he was bloody good at that. "Slow down..." panted Ianto "or I'll come in seconds."

"Come…" Jack panted in return briefly lifting his head "I want you to come, I want to taste you now…" So Ianto obliged and Jack sighed in appreciation. "I love you" he whispered to his lover for the first time. "I love you too…." Ianto whispered back.


	12. Chapter 12

**Epilogue **

They left the management of the Rift to U.N.I.T, whilst he and Ianto patrolled the stars, identifying and eliminating threats to earth before they could materialize. Ianto had come alive, really alive. All that potential Jack had seen in the young man had finally been realized and Ianto although still calm and controlled now embraced his darker streak and used it effectively to quell trouble, even if that trouble came from his impetuous partner, Jack.

Neither of them had, had any intention of returning to Earth, at least for any longer than a quick visit to Rhiannon and her family, but then Jack had become aware of strange messages relating to the now deceased Torchwood which had drawn them to America to investigate. They had been drawn into an event on a scale they had never seen before. Miracle Day it was called when all mortals became immortal and he, Jack, had become mortal. Jack had almost died when he had been poisoned and briefly he had wanted to give in to it, to end his immortal life, to be the one who left instead of being the one left behind. But he had looked up into the anguish in Ianto's eyes and had known he couldn't inflict that sort of pain on the young man who had become so important to him.

"I hadn't realized how this must feel for you Jack" Ianto had said when later they had managed to escape from their pursuers and had, had time to talk. "When I thought I would lose you, permanently this time, I thought I would break into tiny pieces. Is this how you feel each time I get hurt"

Jack had only been able to nod and the men had held each other as close and as tight as they could because there was nothing else to say. If they were able to save the world, then one day Jack would be left alone again, it was his curse, his punishment for the things he had done in the past.

"Jack you know this is for the best" Ianto was exasperated, Jack could hear it in his voice.

"But if this works you might die" Jack could hear the whine in his voice.

"If it doesn't work then you will die" replied Ianto, his tone softer now. "Jack I know it is hard, but they won't expect me to be carrying your blood inside me, flowing through my veins. This is our best chance to stop this, to save the world. Someone has to be brave enough to make the difficult decisions and the reason I love you so much is that, that someone is usually you, no matter how much it hurts you. There is no-one braver than you Captain Jack."

"Except perhaps you, Ianto Jones...Tea-boy extraordinaire". The acceptance was in his voice now and Ianto smiled at him. "Fuck me, Jack like it is our last time" he had whispered seductively into Jack's ears and Jack had obliged because he knew it just might be.

They had split up then travelling to either ends of the earth to find the blessing, defeat the three families and reset the template for mankind. It worked and both Ianto and Jack survived but they lost the brave Esther Drummond, who'd been their ally and support. They had both agreed she had been made of the right stuff and would have made a great Torchwood team member. Instead of leaving Earth again straight away they had stayed to pay respect to Esther at her funeral. It was a mistake, after everything they had been through, the risks they had both taken, Ianto was shot and killed by one of three Families undercover operatives right there at the funeral.

Jack knelt at Ianto's side and cradled his head in his lap, inconsolable he refused to be dragged away. 'Why now, why when the danger was over and he was immortal again did he have to lose his Ianto, when he had no choice but to live on forever in his grief.'

Then there was an audible gasp as air is drawn heavily into lungs and the body in his arms jolts and arms are clutching at him in panic. Jack stares down into the blue expressive eyes of the man he loves. "What the fuck…Jack?" Ianto croaks.


End file.
